This brings me to the concept of celebrating a 'New Year'. Everybody hopes that the New Year will bring them some kind of superhuman luck in having an amazing life and, in their New Year's spirit, they set themselves challenges which (after two days to a week) they get bored of. This leads to them failing, growing into a phase of depression and then having a year as shitty as the last.
Luckily for me, I don't fall into the trap that those other people do. I live every day as though it's the same as the last. You know why? BECAUSE IT IS. The human race is said to be 'superior' above all other types of species. And what do we do about this? We destroy our planet, kill each other and complain about everything. Oh, I'm sorry that you're a human. Boo-hoo. But we have days in which we celebrate. Celebrate what? That we're only here because evolution turned us into these killing machines and hopeless romantics that we are? We're just animals who have very complex brains which enable us to think like no other living beings. And, with this advantage over everything else, we screw up everything. Maybe that's our actual reason for being on Earth. To royally fuck everything up.
Now, before I get completely off-topic with my irrational hatred for most humans, I shall get to my point. Here's how Ash spends her holidays, in chronological order to make things more fun:
NEW YEAR'S DAY: The family come over. We over-eat, play darts, eat some more, then play relatively frustrating, though addictive, games. In between all this, I confide myself to my bedroom for a few minutes at a time to play guitar or use my laptop to try and have a normal day in amongst the havoc of entertaining family members.
VALENTINE'S DAY: I believe that love is a myth. Therefore, I have never celebrated this day.
MY BIRTHDAY: I celebrate my birthday by eating an enormous slab of chocolate cake and then continuing with my day like normal, but occasionally using "But it's my birthday!" to get things I normally wouldn't get without this phrase.
EASTER: I generally use it as an excuse to eat lots of chocolate and have it be socially acceptable. And then I feel bad about eating so much chocolate because it's quite sickly after a while.
LENT: Why would I give up anything for 40 days? I spend these 40 days doing things everyone else has given up and feeling all smug about it. Because I'm a bitch.
HALLOWEEN: I don't mind Halloween. But I don't do anything for it. So... Next!
GUY FAWKES/BONFIRE NIGHT: I like to watch local firework displays from my dad's bedroom window because I'm too cheap to purchase my own tickets to one. Besides, it's too cold in November to stand there and have fun whilst shivering and getting a sore neck from looking up for half an hour.
CHRISTMAS: I go to my auntie's house, eat too much, play darts, eat more, play games, eat more, be unsocial for a while and then go home where I then pass out on my bed from tiredness.
BOXING DAY: I go to my auntie's house, eat too much, play darts, eat more, play games, eat more, be unsocial for a while and then go home where I then pass out on my bed from tiredness.
NEW YEAR'S EVE: I endure people's minute-by-minute Facebook updates about the New Year and then complain about them on Twitter where they can't see. I also think all day "This is the last time I'll shower this year." "This is the last breakfast I'll have this year." "This is the last dinner I'll have this year." "This is the last picture I'll take this year." Then I watch the London fireworks on TV, alone in my living room, then sing Auld Lang Syne whilst holding my own hand, and I wonder. I wonder why people get so fussy about certain days of the year.
I guess I'll never understand it, but if that's what keeps the humans happy for a while, then I'll just let them be. I shall now contradict myself like a hypocrite and wish you a very Happy New Year.
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